dear friend

i just remember her in that sparkling, spangly outfit, throwing her head back and cackling like only someone who is truly part witch can cackle. there is a hawaiistories.com thread from 2003 in which someone mentioned that she was in fact part witch in high school. i am not speaking ill of the dead when i say that she was suited for the part she chose for herself. the way she was suited for the part she played in so many people's lives. like yours.

it's weird. i didn't know her at all but i feel a vague sense of loss because you did know her and are feeling that void acutely. so i know what you mean by empathy. even if that's not quite all it is, it's something. it might also have to do with the fact that she was (is) a treasure to hawaii as a whole, and the loss of this creative force (and who most of us can only assume was a dynamic, wonderful person) must be immense. we didn't know her, but we know this.

you were part of something that she created and you saw what lee cataluna described as lisa matsumoto's "magic" up close; therefore you are even more closely entertwined in her life than the people who were only lucky enough to see one or two of her plays, or read one or two of her books to a beloved child.

also, and this is the part i hate to say, i think one of the hardest things to swallow is that she might have been completely blotto that morning. in the wake of such a shocking event it's hard to wrap your mind around the possibility that this destruction might have been her own fault. we never want to think that way about people we respect, but maybe that's part of the something nagging at you.

finally, i think that the unexpectedness factor is heavy here. she was not old, nor ill, nor known to be reckless. she was not done writing or producing plays. she never had a swan song, and nobody was prepared for "no more lisa." you could conjure a number of memories of performing as one of her geckos; i was counting on being the star of FRN by snagging her to be a part of it. though she wasn't a huge looming presence in most people's lives, she was a local staple that you'd assume would be around - writing, joking, laughing, producing plays. doing her thing, like we all just go about doing our things. that such a violent end could come so suddenly makes us all a little more aware of our own uncertain futures.