the jainism e-mails

His ad:

The more I learn in life the more I want to get back to a simple, non-materialistic existence. I want to enrich myself by focusing on the important things and ridding my life of excess. I realize lately that I've allowed myself to slip into a hermitage. This occurred over time, as it dawned on me that many of my friends were happy being entertained and living piggy lives. After letting them go I've been too busy with my nose in a corner to meet more enlightened types.

I'm interested in meeting highly intelligent people to help enrich life. No need for perfection, just a long term drive to lead a healthy, conscious, and meaningful life. Enjoy discussing philosophy, or complaining about the idiotic state of affairs? Do you believe in true equality for all living things? Do you feel bad when you kill an ant? Do you feel bad that vegetables are slaughtered daily without a second thought? Well I do too!

Looking forward to your response...

My response:

When ants or roaches invade my classroom, I have my kids take them outside. They are not permitted to step on them. ... Not with ya on the vegetables, though. Have you ever explored Jainism?

Him:

Thanks for bringing Jainism to my attention. I can't recall hearing of this religion before. It looks pretty interesting at first glance so I'll have a closer look at it for sure. I've been slowly shopping for a religion for a while now. Perhaps one day I'll become a Jainist.

Me:

I was being cheeky with the Jainism bit. It was the stuff about treading lightly on grass, vegan diets (excluding root vegetables?), and rising before dawn that really turned me off. I do like the Buddhist aspects of it (humane treatment of all living things) - am just not sure I could require myself to be humane to a carrot.

Him:

I would love to rise before dawn but I sleep til at least 7 or 8 most mornings. So I don't think I have the discipline to be a Jain. Thanks for letting me know you weren't serious about that. As you can see I am a bit gullible since I tend to take things literally. I took World Religions (at UH) oh about 10 years ago. The teacher's name was Seigel or something like that. I recall he once said that "heaven is a Korean bar" in front of 200 students. I guess he has good job security.

So would you mind telling me a little about yourself? I'm curious since I have a thing for school teachers :P Just kidding, but that is a very noble occupation.

... and that, my friends, will be the end of our correspondence, because his pic really does look like a mug shot and his headline really is "I'd rather be sailing."