Gearing up for an early-morning hike (well, at the rate I'm going we might have to erase the "early" part) before sliding into work. Woulda, coulda, shoulda finished all this STUFF beforehand so I wouldn't have to bother going in today.
After several space/mess/living arrangement-centered blowouts, I've noticed something about this apartment: at any given time, either the living room OR the bedroom can be neat with good chi. It really does shift. When the bedroom is in top shape, the living room is a total shambles. Then I work on the living room, and the bedroom slowly turns into Piles of Miscellaneous Things City.
The Watcher makes another interesting point (which I've taken a few liberties with): When an individual zeroes in on the being-cheated-on instead of the "cause" of the infidelity, nothing can be gained or learned because the relationship is severed without a glance down a potentially reconstructive road.
Fine and well, IMO, if certain circumstances are present. (Fine and well a case to make, still not going for the fine and well to cheat angle.) These would be (again IMO) possible "Whys" that would deserve discussion. (Someone else being hotter, general boredom, and Prada bags all being unforgivable reasons that deserve zero discussion and a nice pointy-toed boot up one's ass.) First of all, the cheatee (<-- is a word? Me too tired to care) must have him/herself committed some type of serious betrayal. Second, a lack of willingness on the cheatee's part to communicate honestly or listen openly to issues. Third, being stuck between a rock and certain really hard places. (Again, not like Boredom City or Sugar Mama Lane.) Hard like, your sweetie was MIA from combat for years before floating down on a parachute into your backyard where you happen to be grilling shrimp on the barbie with your new squeeze. Well, that's not cheating, but you know what I mean by a really hard place?
Even under such circumstances (excepting the last one) - it's always better to settle the issues and/or disengage before flouncing off with something you hope will be bigger and better. I speak and observe, not judge, from experience. (Well, I try not to judge. Don't we all.)
Future blog: The Serenity. Should you stay or should you go? Talking one of my best friends through one of the suckiest situations imaginable. I believe in the sanctity of marriage ... and I believe God loves us and wants us to be happy. What do you do when marriage and happiness become mutually exclusive?
Off to climb a mountain. Or at least, part of one. Then, to work, then home to start packing. Then to belated birthday dinner. Should be an awesome day!
1 comment:
I'm not so sure about the "serious betrayal" part. i think most times when what was a good relationship is soured by cheatin' hearts, it's usually because of a small problem that snowballs over time into something else, and the root of it all is usually communication (you are right on with point #2). it's funny how fast "he doesn't hold the door open for me anymore" can turn into "we aren't sexually attracted to each other anymore". I only point out that people don't focus enough on the "why" part of it because i've seen so many instances where people repeat history and are so dumbfounded when patterns do repeat themselves. "i can't believe i got cheated on again! all men/women/whatever are scum!" - we all know someone experiencing love groundhog day in such manner because they lack the will and/or the ability to go back and analyze what went wrong. that, or some people refuse to acknowledge that their criteria for selecting a mate or their chosen method for conducting themselves in a relationship might be flawed in some way. not to say that everyone who gets cheated on is to blame and that the cheater is blameless or anything like that. i just think that if you are going to feel the pain of being a cheatee that you might as well reap some kind of benefits from the situation and learn from it. whether it's identifying your own behavior that opened the door for cheating or if it's going back and identifying the signs in your partner showing that they may be looking around that you may have missed the first time around. anyone who says "i did not see this coming at all" simply hasn't been paying attention. I, like you, speak (and not judge) from experience.
here's an interesting question: when IS cheating forgiveable? we've all seen at least one or two relationships that have been able t survive such trauma. how does that work?
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