serenity NOW!

One of my bmaids signed off an email that way last week - it made me laugh because all this time I've been wanting to scream something - and what more fitting phrase could there be?

So behind on sleep I'm reminded of all those Hell Weeks of college - the smell of Starbucks, which I've resorted to drinking because teas aren't cutting the mustard anymore; the fuzzy feeling in my head, just behind my eyes; the ever-present feeling of things simmering just beneath the surface. My doc remarked today that I look so calm for someone getting married in mere days. I told her what I tell everyone: the hysteria comes in waves.

I can at least be thankful that it's the wedding, and not the marriage, that concerns me. I could do with another month to prepare for the wedding, but I've been ready for this marriage for a good long while. In a way, I do have serenity. Now.

'Kay, just stuffed the last slice of pizza I'm allowing myself today into my mouth (oh who cares if the dress fits?). So far today I 1) took a chance and showed up to my dr. appt an hour early and sort of begged them to squeeze me in; they obliged; 2) met my Dad for a meeting w/the Banquet Boss to solidify reception details; 3) met with the other Banquet Boss to solidify rehearsal dinner details; 4) ordered a gourmet pizza and ate half of it in a very unladylike fashion while driving back home. Have yet to 1) run back to Pix Plus to buy a totally generic frame for our engagement photo; 2) pick up our guestbooks; 3) pick up the BF's tux and do my final dress fitting; 4) meet the church pianist and beg her to let me change my mind about the music I asked for earlier this week; 5) do something about the cake situation.

I haven't seen BF in two days. He leaves as I rise (6 a.m. or a little before), and because his day begins so early he's in bed before I get home. We're communicating via phone, text, and a bit of email. It's a little surreal.

Tomorrow's the R&RD - I am so looking forward to that ...