so scream you

There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time. - Coco Chanel

I want to teach my kids what this quote means. But love is not covered in HCPS III. It's what I most hate about "standards-based" education.

According to Wikipedia, in Judaism it's up to the wronged, not God, to forgive the offender. (Addendum: If the wrongdoing is "against God," then it's up to God, but if the neighbor's wife steals your lawn mower then it's up to you, not God, to forgive her.) The catch: The offender has to be sincerely sorry. Otherwise, forgiveness on the part of the wronged is not required. According to Wikipedia, Jews believe that just as only God can forgive wrongdoing against God, only humans can forgive human offenses.

For Catholics, forgiveness of earthly, human-to-human offenses is a little more complicated due to the belief that sinning against one another is sinning against God. So the formal sacrament of reconciliation is between God and the sinner. The lawn mower thief confesses that she has not exactly loved her neighbor, asks forgiveness, is assigned penance (which probably includes but is not limited to returning the lawn mower and offering a sincere apology), and is generally absolved. Catholic offendees are required to forgive their offenders because that's how their own sins will in turn be forgiven on a more divine level.

I'm paraphrasing, and badly. I know. Forgive me.

And then there's the Buddhist view, which places less emphasis on the trial of forgiveness, and more on recognizing the uselessness of the human passions and attachments that make forgiveness necessary. Avoid resentment. Strive for equanimity. Love. Let go.

It is of course the letting go that poses such a challenge.

The past is our cradle, not our prison; there is danger as well as appeal in its glamour. The past is for inspiration, not imitation; for continuation, not repetition. - Israel Zangwill

I have kids who can't forgive - not each other, not themselves. At this age the emphasis is on equal parts self-improvement AND generosity of spirit toward those who a) try like hell but can't get out of whatever socially damaging mode they're in and/or b) don't bother trying at all. Some of my kids are suffering through their sixth year of being classmates with K.K., your classic bully, whose concept of groundbreaking self-improvement is that she doesn't hit or throw things at people anymore. I know I'm expecting too much when I ask them to rise, let go of those five other years and see what radiates from within her on a truly good day; I'm asking too little of her when I say, That IS an improvement! Not hitting anymore! Good job! ... Can I win? When will we all start winning? Or at least stop losing?

Where are you going, little girl? I've only got another month with you but I know that in 10 years I'm going to know you for something and I want it to be something good. I want to have done you some good. I want to go with you, and I don't mean to juvenile hall.

Give me a sign.